I know some amazing women. They are godly, wise, talented, have a beautiful heart. The only thing is, they are extra hard on themselves. They beat themselves up if they can’t be perfect at everything and they feel like they are failing at life. It breaks my heart to see such incredible women feeling this way. Although, I think we all have a tendency to do the same thing at some point. We feel like there is no room for error. That if we don’t do things perfectly then we will mess up our kids, our marriages, our jobs, our lives forever. What an enormous amount of pressure to be under. We don’t allow ourselves a break or to rest at all. We feel like if we take a break everything will fall apart. It’s no wonder we feel like we are on the verge of a nervous breakdown more often than we would like to admit. It’s time to stop just surviving and start thriving! Here are 5 ways you can start today.
Choose what is most important
Society has glorified this “SuperWoman” mentality that is just not realistic. You can’t do it all, have it all, all at the same time. And you weren’t meant to. Trying to do this stretches you too thin and leaves you frazzled- hardly the resemblance of a superwoman. You know who is a superwoman? The woman who is a good steward of the things God has given her, even if it is just a few things. If you have spent time with God, fed your family, and made them feel loved… you pretty much have met all your necessary requirements for the day. There are seasons where you will be able to do more and there will be seasons where you can only do those above things. Be okay with that. As long as you are doing your best and those basic requirements are accomplished, you are doing what is most important. Don’t beat yourself up. Often times we as women feel the need to be the most knowledgeable and perfect at making sure our kids eat healthily: gluten-free, dairy-free, no sugar, paleo, keto, organic, dye-free, no artificial flavors. We also feel like we are failing if we don’t cook magazine-worthy meals every night. I remember a time when I felt like a failure because I didn’t make my own pesto. Like I really felt like I was a crappy wife and mom because I didn’t make homemade pesto and homemade bread. This other woman I knew made pesto and bread for her family and I didn’t so that meant she was better than me. WRONG. That’s what comparison does to you. It makes you feel less than. Stop doing it. Stop comparing your life to someone else’s. What is right for them may not be right for you. They are in a different season. Contrary to popular belief, Mcdonald’s will not kill your kid. Neither will having pb&j sandwiches for dinner. Give yourself a break if you don’t cook as much as you like right now. In another season you might.
Also, don’t feel like you need to be the expert on essential oils or homeopathic remedies or keep your house HGTv acceptable at all times all while taking care of kids or working a job or both. Choose the most important things and do the others as time permits. Be oaky in the season you are in. That may mean cutting things out.
Cut Things Out
This one was hard for me. God had opened the door for me to work for a nonprofit, which I loved. After a few years, I entered a different season and He called me to quit my job. This was so hard for me for three reasons. 1.) I loved my job. 2) I loved having the extra income from my job. 3.) As a result of being given up for adoption, I suffered from this mentality that I had to prove my worthiness to be here. Like I had to prove why I was allowed to live and that I was worth something. I thought I was what I did. I thought that gave me my worth. So if I didn’t work anymore, if I didn’t “do” anything, how worthy was I? I struggled for quite a bit. Until I learned to rest in God and do what was most important: Work on my relationship with Him and nurture my family. You see, some of these other things had started creeping in and taking priority over my relationship with God and my family. What I have learned is that God will not bless or call you to something that will interfere with those two things. In fact, He will put up roadblocks to keep you from pursuing things that are taking priority where they shouldn’t. It doesn’t mean that the calling you heard was wrong; maybe it’s just the wrong time. So reflect on what might be taking priority over your time with God and your family and make cuts where necessary.
Learn To Say No
People aren’t afraid to cross your boundaries either intentionally or unintentionally, so you be just as fearless at being firm with them. “I do not feel God is calling me to that right now” is a great response to someone who is trying to monopolize your time. Be honest and say, “I need to spend time with my family.” I even have a Do Not Disturb message that is on auto-reply when I am with my family that lets people know I am with my family and I will call them or text them when I am available. It lets them know that my family is a priority to me and it lets my family know that too. I know we want to be the church to people, but if we are being the church to everyone but our families, then we’ve missed our calling completely. So don’t be afraid to say no and set boundaries.
Take Time to Rest and Refresh
I think this is one that we all struggle with. We are servant-hearted and want to make sure others’ needs are met, yet we don’t value ourselves enough to rest, and instead, we work ourselves weary. When I finally adjusted to not having any jobs and just rested before God, I felt so much more full of the Holy Spirit than when I was running myself ragged. It was such a weight off not having to “do” anything to earn God’s love. I just had to “be”. And when I was honest with my husband and my family about where I was emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, they got behind me and supported me in my need to rest and get refilled. As a result, I wasn’t pouring out of an empty bucket and I was able to serve my God, my family, and everyone else so much better. Be purposeful about the time you take to rest and refresh. Don’t think that the opportunities will just happen if you don’t plan for them. Other things take up our time, our calendar gets filled so quickly. But if you block off some time on purpose, you are more likely to be able to take that time for yourself. I try to block off time once per month or maybe twice. I also like to try to go to conferences every quarter. That doesn’t always happen, but I am working on being more consistent with it.
Ask for Help
I know… that requires being vulnerable. However, if you are plugged into a good church you should have access to some sisters in Christ who will be there for you. If you are not plugged into a church, I recommend that you do so ASAP. There is no greater community than your church community. For example, I have had several women share their burdens and needs with me over the last few months. It has been such an honor to be there for them in prayer and by providing support or filling needs where I can. It was a blessing to me to be able to be there for them. And it blessed them too. When you try to walk this road alone, you are more likely to feel defeated, you are robbing someone of the opportunity to bless you, and you are robbing yourself of a blessing. Don’t do it! Also, whenever someone expresses a need or shares their heart with me, it makes me feel more connected to them and also makes me feel less alone. Like, oh, she gets it. She is like me. I’m not the only one. So ask for help and enjoy the rich community of women who have your back!
Finally, here are just a few other quick fixes that have helped make my busy life more manageable.
Get up early: Over time I have trained myself to get up at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning. This has made a world of difference. I am able to have my quiet time, do some cleaning, and plan my day all by the time my family gets up.
Crockpot meals: I LOVE using my crockpot. Throw meat in and season it, let it cook all day, and voila! Dinner is done! I steam some veggies and add a salad and I have literally spent less than fifteen minutes on dinner.
Another great idea is to have a prepped meal plan party. Spend one day per month and prep your meal for weeks in advance. Put the meals in the freezer and heat in the crockpot when ready. I have made three weeks’ worth of meals in just a few hours this way.
“To Do” app: This app is by Microsoft and I use it every single day. Every morning before I start my day, I make sure everything is in my “To Do” app. It is so freeing to be able to check things off of the list in this app!
Zone Cleaning: I used to hate cleaning. Using this method I have been able to maintain my home quite well in just a few minutes per day. It breaks down the home into different zones to make cleaning more manageable. Definitely worth the google.
What are some things you do to make your life flow better? I would love for you to share your tips!
<3 Heather
