This post is about helping your child find their identity in Christ, but let’s be honest. We all often need a little help finding our identity in Christ. So many times, we find our identity in our job, our family, other relationships, the world’s approval. All the wrong things. And when those things fail us, we are left trying to figure out who we are. I speak that from personal experience. I was an overachieving, workaholic. As a result of underlying feelings of rejection stemming from being put up for adoption, I felt the need to prove my worth, to prove I had a right to be here on this earth. I was working tirelessly to find my identity in the world’s approval- whatever they wanted or thought I should do, I would do it. Just to feel like I had some worth, that I wasn’t a mistake. My identity was tied up in all the wrong things and I ended up exhausted and feeling even more confused. If I’m not what I do, then who am I? What ended up happening was that God removed from my life everything I found my identity in except for Him. Career? Gone. Volunteering in the community? Nope. Leading at church? Time for a break. It was just me and God. At first, I floundered. No, I take that back. I wasn’t just floundering. I was drowning in panic and anxiety. If I couldn’t do anything, how could I prove my worth? My overachieving, workaholic self was completely freaking out. I realize now that it needed to happen; I was so misguided, even if it was subconsciously.
The thing is, that I can never be worthy on my own. I can’t earn my salvation. I will never, ever be good enough. God already knows that. That is why He gives salvation freely. It is a gift. On our own, we will never be enough. It is in Christ that we are enough. Only through Him. All this striving
on our own is pointless and exhausting. God needed me to see that. While I knew intellectually that I was not enough on my own and that I could never earn my salvation, my heart and my actions reflected differently. Somewhere along the way, I had lost sight of things. I went from serving God out of the overflow of my heart to serving Him as a way to prove my worth. So, God called a time-out and began a work in my heart. How freeing it is to not have to prove myself to others and to find my identity in Christ. The world’s approval and love are so fickle and change with the wind, but God’s love is unending. He is always faithful.
I wish I had lived out this reality for years, but I wasted a lot of time trying to do things in my own strength. That being said, I wanted to make sure my daughter had these precious truths ingrained in her mind. I think for some people it is easier to see the giftings God has given them. Like my oldest daughter. She is super intelligent, graduating a year early, skipping her Master’s degree, pursuing her Doctorate. Years and years of accolades in her lifetime. She understands her giftedness and her purpose, and she is walking in it. My youngest daughter is a different story.
She is quite the opposite of my older daughter. She is a creative, artsy girl who has a keen eye for organization and spatial awareness. She is also an amazing event planner at just 12 years old. However, when it comes to academics, my little girl struggles. She has multiple learning disabilities, and she has to work extremely hard every day to keep up with her grade level. She often gets discouraged, especially when she looks at her sister. Of course, we all know that we should not compare ourselves with others, that we all have different gifts and talents, but we all fall into the pit of comparison from time to time. I think this is especially challenging for school-aged kids who are trying to find their identity while also trying to blend in all at the same time. My daughter, who works so hard, doesn’t win any awards, has no accolades to reflect on, feels like she will never measure up by the world’s standards. I was beginning to see my tween lose herself as she compared her abilities to her sister and others. “They are smarter, better, prettier than me”, she would say on a regular basis. I knew this rhetoric had to change. How do we combat the enemy’s lies? By filling ourselves with truth! God’s truth! So, I created a graphic for her to reflect on every morning. She begins her mornings by reflecting on who she is in Christ. Not according to the world. This list is not comprehensive, but it does address that negative internal dialogue she is replaying in her mind. I have her say, “In Christ I am loved…, redeemed… chosen…” and then I have her say the book, chapter, and verse where that can be found. I don’t have her read each Scripture every morning because that would take a loooooong time. I just have her say the reference verse details so she knows where to find it. Over time she will memorize every single reference verse. We are working on them one at a time. Whenever she starts to compare herself to others and spout negative self-talk, I remind her of our list and ask her who she is in Christ. This replaces that negative, false dialogue with the truth. It’s not completely foolproof, but it definitely helps. The world tries to sell us so many lies about who we are, and it is like we accept them without question, and we let our kids do the same. It is time to fight back with truth. We need to be speaking and praying it over ourselves and our children daily. The world is not going to diminish my daughter or me because in Christ we are chosen, created with a purpose, loved, able to do hard things, and those are straight FACTS!
I am so excited to share this graphic with you for FREE! Click here to download a copy of the graphic!. I pray it is as helpful to you and your family as it has been to mine. Also, don’t forget to sign up on my email list that way you can be the first to know about freebies right when I post them. It is also a way that I pray over you and connect with you. Praying you walk boldly in His purpose for you today and every day! <3 Heather
